In poker, "not taking it personally" is one of the most important steps you can take towards becoming a winning player, or winning more if you are already a winning player.
POKER NOT THE IDEAL NEW AGE GAME
Let's face it. Poker games aren't famous for their touchy-feely, New Age love and peace atmospheres. They are amongst the few places where non-politically correct, sexist, and/or obnoxious conduct can be practiced without any notable consequences. While you will meet many wonderful people playing poker, you will also meet a lot of complete jerks. I don't think poker turns them into jerks so much as the jerks playing it quickly recognize they can get away with obnoxious conduct at the poker tables that they can't get away with at home, at work, or with their non-poker playing friends.
In live poker games, there are certain checks and balances that keep obnoxious behavior from getting out of line. Everyone knows who you are, and you may not want a reputation as a complete jerk. At a fundamental level, if you insult someone severely enough, he may ask you to "step outside."
(Yes, this still happens. In one of the funniest incidents of this type I've come across in quite a while, a notable Southern California jerk recently asked someone he didn't know to step outside, and the smaller man quickly agreed. What the aggressor didn't know was that he had challenged someone whose other job was professional "ultimate fighting"—the kind where everything goes—and one elbow to the face rendered the larger challenger unconscious with one blow. I found this funny only because the jerk has had this coming for a while, and finally got what he was asking for.)
DRAW-OUTS LEAD TO INSULTS
Even if matters don’t get to this point—and my finding humor in the aforementioned challenge aside, I certainly don't approve of violence as a way of settling poker disagreements—there are other controls in the live environment. There's a floorman nearby, and other players tend to police the game if hazing gets too serious, if for no other reason than they don't want a weaker player to be chased out of the game—and most poker insults start off because someone who played a weak hand got lucky and drew out on someone who started off with a better hand.
(As an important aside, a player who is REALLY as great as most of the bratty "got drawn out on" players claim to be would understand that it isn't such a shock when a hand like Q-9 offsuit runs down A-K suited. The A-K suited hand is actually only slightly better than a 2-1 favorite, and hands that are 2-1 favorites WILL lose one time in three. But to listen to some players rant and rave, you'd think such an occurrence was a 10,000-1 shot.)
Online, the same checks and balances aren't available. You don't have to worry about developing a reputation as a jerk. You don't have to worry about someone asking you to step outside. You don't even have to worry about the floorman, although an email to customer support will usually cut off the offender's chat privileges for some period of time.
As a result, you will run into many more nasty comments online than you will in the B&M world. The games are usually looser, and loose games mean
1) Strong starting hands like A-A will lose more often, because they will face more opposition, although the amount of money they win will as great or greater, because they will win big pots; and
2) Players holding marginal starting hands will often find themselves in positions (especially if the game is both PASSIVE and loose) where pot odds and implied odds can make very thin draws (like one to an inside straight) reasonable.
Naturally, if someone holding 6s-7s hangs in on a big multi-way pot that brings a 2-3-4 flop, looks at a turn card, and catches a five that crushes someone holding A-A and the straight he just made, the comments are likely to fly, and you just have to sit there and take them, because a lengthy explanation of the pot and implied odds involved not only gives opponents a lesson they haven't paid for, it gives you away as a strong player.
BUT IF YOU TAKE IT PERSONALLY…
If, on the other hand, you take the insults personally, you're getting into a battle you can't win. You either wind up giving free lessons (very costly on two levels, as indicated above), or you wind up trading barbs, which can in turn
1) Lead to the weak "social" players in the game going elsewhere, because they want a pleasant game; or
2) Cost you your own chat privileges for a while; or
3) Most important, can wind up getting you so focused on the duel of wits, and of "getting even" with the jerk who is mouthing off, that you either (if you're lucky) lose focus on the game or (if you're normal) go on tilt and start playing far worse than a mere "loss of focus" would involve.
Let's face it. Most people who act bold and tough online are NOT tough guys (or gals) in real life. They act tough online because they can't get away with it in real life—they get pushed around by their spouse, or boss, or friends, and so act tough when they can hide behind a screen name.
When these kinds of players throw insults at you, pity them if you will, but ignore them. They are clamoring for attention, so why cooperate and give them what they want, when doing so is likely to throw you off your own game? You even have a weapon available to you online that you don't in B&M games. You can send an email to customer support, asking that the offender be silenced. In a B&M room, everyone knows you are "tattling" if you ask for a floorman to handle your problems. Online, you don't have the same ability to handle such problems yourself, so you shouldn't feel guilty about going to customer support for help.
IF THE OTHER GUY "GETS TO YOU," HE'S WON
When you write that note, though, keep in mind that you're just trying to silence a minor annoyance. If the problem is more serious than that, you're letting the other guy "get to you" much more than you should. Taking it personally is likely to cost you far more than second place in a duel of wits. If you spend your evening trying to figure out ways to get even with a tormentor, you'll be hard pressed to get ahead of him.
If you just can't get away from thoughts of revenge when these things happen, you should probably consider turning off your chat feature when you start play. If you don't want to do that, remember that the best revenge is success. If someone insults you because you drew out on him, ask yourself if you really belonged in the hand. If you didn't, your tormentor may have done you a nice favor, by pointing out sloppy play. Resist the urge to thank him for calling that to your attention, and play your best. He'll run out of things to say soon enough, and if you don't respond, he'll go looking for someone else to "play" with, anyway.
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The flop is the nexus of the hand; limiting raises preflop goes far towards disguising your hand.
